Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 5 weeks

This time, the 5 weeks is for real. Five weeks and a few days, a few of which I'll be gone in Maryland to visit my mom.

I'm going to adopt a kitten. SO CUTE! I'm destined to become a crazy cat lady. Little fuzzy bundles of teeth and claws and PLAY.

Not as frustrated at this moment with my love life. Figured out that even if me and Ti are not in a relationship, that doesn't mean we're not lovers. And we are, pretty much in every sense of the word. I'm looking forward to a long day with him, neither of us have work. I'm crazy about him, it's pretty ridiculous. So long as we don't bring up any of our issues I think we'll be fine...

Working on a story again. Still in development. An obvious reaction to the last week. Learned I had a fun little virus.

My eyes are itching horribly. Allergy season sucks balls.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 6 weeks

Well, the actual moving away part is still like 9 weeks away, but in 6 weeks everything will be packed and ready to go.

Tarot of the day:
1. What is my blessing for today?
Page of Swords. LOL. I know what that means... it came up yesterday as my obstacle for the next 6 weeks.
2. What is my challenge for today?
Five of wands. This is a card predicting conflict and power struggles, smooth sailing meeting choppy waters. Inner doubts and fears will arise, leading to confusion and panic. And the question it asks is "How can I stand out?" The answer is, ultimately, that one learns to stand out by entering the fray and sizing up the competition. Only by doing this can the Querent learn how to change, what to cut away or keep, in order to be unique and succeed. If you fear competition and run from it, you will never succeed at anything.
3. What is my mission for today?
Three of wands, reversed. Waiting for ships to come in, this card promises the payoff for that initial investment of energy. Your good choice brings rewards. Reversed, however, and you get, I think, a blocked interpretation. A delay in the pay off, or, if really opposite, the ships have sunk. The anticipated reward is not or cannot come your way.

Interesting, how I can't endure a relationship with someone, but can't live without them either. Good thing I'm moving away, it'll make things easier, I hope.

Work today, if it's nice out. Otherwise, Buffy marathon :-)

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 9 weeks

Haha, tarot was spot on yesterday. There was the judging, and then the combination of King of Wands and seduction... I won't say more on that ;-)

Today's cards:
King of Wands. REALLY?
Seven of Swords: Design, wish, hope, also quarreling, a plan that may fail
Ten of Swords: AGAIN? Pain affliction tears etc...

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 9.5 weeks

Well, yesterday wasn't bad at all! I wasn't The Fool, though. There was lots of sitting and being patient but I'm happy with how everything turned out.

Hair competition today.

3 cards of the day:
Justice, reversed: ok
King of Wands: I wonder who it is...?
Page of Cups, reversed: Seduction?Deception?taste? hmmmm

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 9.5 weeks

Here's the daily tarot!

Three cards:

1. The Fool. hey, old friend.
2. Ten of swords. Ouch.
3. Nine of wands, reversed.

This is a BAD reading.

Pray for me today.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 9.5 weeks

Gaaah WTF I'll be gone in the blink of an eye.

Currently meditating because "why does this shit always happen to us". You know, shit happens? Bad joke. Anyways, I cant stand true meditation, so I henna instead. Very calming I should do it more often.

Quotes I'm putting on myself:
certum vot pete finnem
Set a definite limit to your desire (Horace)
Aut viam inveniam aut faciam - I will either find a way or make one
Ipsa scientia potestas est - Knowledge itself is power. (Bacon)
candor dat viribus alas
Sincerity gives wings to strength

We'll see how these turn out I havent hennaed in ages. So I'm not putting them in obvious places shall we say.

Found a comment on an ancient post of mine. Replied belatedly.
Also have good friend the address to this site :-P *crosses fingers* He's the first since Jeff to know this address...

Friday, May 21, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 10 weeks

It's really hard to believe that I'm moving away in 10 weeks. It's going to fly by: my schedule is PACKED

Today:
Hang w/Cat
OddyFest
Shabbat Dinner

Saturday:
Return fencing gear
meet John for coffee
Justin's party
Go see Barbecuing Hamlet
Katie's party
Party at RAW
go home and take care of the dog

Sunday:
Meet Adam for breakfast
Work
Hessler Street Fair
Girls' night

Basically busy dawn to dusk.

Currently listening to awesome friend Punk Ass Katie's radio show, Blink Generation. She's cool. She's also the one who taught me not to judge people by appearance. With her crazy hair, hardcore attitude, tats, and piercings, you'd never think her to be an honors student going for her MFA in creative writing!

Waffling between cleaning and IMing. Whee!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 10 weeks

Wow the weeks pass quickly.

Just doing a tarot reading that seems crazy accurate.

2

6 7

3 5 1

8 9

4

Card 1. Sulfur/Expansion – The energies that are coming into my life

Knight of Wands

An exciting trip, and likely a long one to an exotic place. Likely a trip by motorcycle, car, bus or train.

Card 2. Mercury/Integration – The energies I need to balance and integrate

Eight of Swords: Reversed is the girl in high school eating alone because she imagines others don't like her (that she is surrounded by swords)...but this isn't true. She isolates and hobbles herself, but there is no censure from the outside, it's all her own doubts about herself, her own self-hatred and low-self-esteem. Other folk probably have no opinion about her, but she thinks they do, and these leave her unable to move.

Card 3. Salt/Contraction – The energies that are leaving my life

Two of Pentacles

Standing before the waves of an ocean, a fellow deftly juggles two pentacles. Is the meaning quite clear now? Yes, the instinctive knowledge of how to juggle finances, a check book, or jobs. As with the swords, you can't keep at it forever, but it is a good use to put your money or hard work to until your ship comes in. Which is what the background waves are all about - keep juggling, relief is on its way.

Card 4. Water/Dissolution – That which I need to let go of

Ten of Pentacles

This is the pinnacle of prosperity, material goods that last instead of being temporary; this is a family home bought and paid for, a business you can pass onto your children. The Querent might find themselves the lucky recipients of a trust fund or lottery money big enough to last a lifetime. It may not be a huge lump sum, but it is something that can be relied on for a good, long while, or something to be passed on to the children, a family inheritance, or just a special, valuable item to pass on.

Card 5. Center – The part of myself or my life that remains unchanged

THE FOOL

With all his worldly possessions in one small pack, the Fool travels he knows not where. So filled with visions and daydreams is he, that he doesn't see the cliff he is likely to fall over. At his heel, a small dog harries him (or tries to warn him of a possible mis-step).

Basic Tarot Meaning

At #0, the Fool is the card of infinite possibilities. The bag on the staff indicates that he has all he needs to do or be anything he wants, he has only to stop and unpack. He is on his way to a brand new beginning. But the card carries a little bark of warning as well. Stop daydreaming and fantasizing and watch your step, lest you fall and end up looking the fool.

Thirteen's Observations

In the Tarot, cards like The Magician or The Hermit can often stand for the Querent or for someone in the Querent's life. The Fool, however, almost always stands for the Querent alone, no one else. In standing for the Querent, the Fool represents a time of newness, a time when life has been "re-started" as it were. The person feels that they are back at zero, whether that be in romantic affairs, or career, at their job or intellectual pursuits. Far from being sad or frustrating, the Querent feels remarkably *free*, light hearted and refreshed, as if being given a second chance. They feel young and energized.

In addition, they likely have no idea where they're going or what they're going to do. But that doesn't matter. For the Fool, the most important thing is to just go out and enjoy the world. To see what there is to see and delight in all of it.

Unfortunately, in this childlike state the person is likely to be overly optimistic or naive. A Fool can be a Fool. This is the card likely to turn up when a Querent is thinking of investing his money in a new, "sure fire" business. Or when the Querent is sure that it's "love this time!" Like the Fool, they're so busy daydreaming of what might be that they're ignoring what is. They're about to fall right off a cliff. It's time for them to listen to that watchful little dog, which might be a concerned friend, a wise tarot reader, or just their instincts.

As a card, the Fool ultimately stands for a new start. When it turns up the Querent might be about to make a move, not just to a new home, but new job, new life. There's more than just change, renewal, and a brand new beginning in the Fool, there's also movement, a fresh, exciting new time.

Card 6. Aquarius/Air – What I need to know about these changes

Four of Swords

Upright, this is a card of rest, recuperation or meditation - a retreat to regain health and mental sharpness. Reverse this and the man falls off his pallet. Clearly, the reversed card indicates that there is no rest, no retreat and no recuperation. The querent may want or need it, but they are not going to get it.

Card 7. Scorpio/Water – My emotional response to these changes

King of Pentacles

The King of Pentacles is the hard-working, earthy man who motivates with common sense and a hands-on attitude. He shows people how to build that fence, he offers a fair wage and health benefits for workers, he comes up with a practical business plan that everyone can understand and get behind. There are no risks with this King, his fire is banked in the hearth and burning steadily; he is also a wise environmentalist, knowing just how many trees to cut down and plant so that there will always be more for the future. If he says it will work, it will work. And if he says he'll find the people to do the job, he'll find them, reliable, good people that can be trusted. People trust and follow him because he offers no surprises, nothing new or strange or chancy--and he wants to get the job done and done well.

The negatives of the King of Pentacles come clear in his reversal: here is a man who won't take chances, who is too conservative and won't hear of making any changes in the way things are done. "If it's not broke, don't fix it," his is motto, and stubbornly so. In his negative mode he's likely to be a miser, unable to comprehend why prices have gone up, or why he must pay a higher wage. He might well cheat his workers, cut corners, even, at his very worse, embezzle from the company. He expects the best but isn't above letting those who serve him have the worst.

The King of Pentacles represents the motivation of the practical, of hard work and reliability, of conservative methods. Reverse this and we see a blocking of these - people who think they know better do unpractical things, take risks that are foolish, go with wild, new ideas that haven't been tested rather than reliable old methods. Outsiders with their own agenda may waste resources rather than make good use of them (like clear cutting a forest). Internally, a reversed King of Pentacles may be ignoring his own good sense, taking gambles and risks, or keeping to a method that no longer works because he's too stubborn to change.

Card 8. Taurus/Earth – Where I can find stability and practical support

Page of Swords

You can't shut up this kid. "Why? Why? Why?" he/she's always asking. And even more alarming, anything they hear, they'll repeat, just blurt it out in front of people. They'll go up to Aunt Hazel and say, "Are you carrying a baby? Mommy says it looks like you are...." On the positive side, this kid could be quite a brain, good at puzzles, quick to learn. And they already know how to use the computer better than you do. Likeable, but also the most aggravating of kids because whatever you tell them to do, they'll argue about it. You have to watch that they don't become "know-it-alls" or tattletales.

Card 9. Leo/Fire – What actions I can take to make the best of these changes

Ten of Wands

Upright, this is a card about taking on too many burdens. It is the end result of putting out all your energy into projects - they multiply and you find yourself carrying the entire load. Here's the important thing, however, these burdens were brought about by good fortune, by doing the right thing. The querent built up a good and honest business (for example) and now it puts too many demands on his time - but he did right.

Reversed, therefore is a person trying to shirk his responsibilities. This is the dad who promises his kids he'll do all kinds of things for them and never does; the guy at work who volunteers for everything, then passes the jobs onto others to do - or just doesn't do them, leaving a mess for everyone else to clean up. This is a person who doesn't carry their load, they toss it away, neglect it, put it on someone else's back.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 11 weeks

What a ride it's been.

I just finished my undergraduate education yesterday. In MC 302. I started in MC 301. Irony, anyone?

I don't remember the last few days so I cant verify the tarot. But I will take my daily reading now! I'm switching to a five-card spread, it seems more understandable.

1. What I should do today.
Queen of Wands. Loving, faithful woman. Symbols of strength, life. So... be a good woman?

2. What I shouldn't do today.
King of Pentacles (reversed). "Vice, weakness, ugliness..." etc. So don't be a bad person. Ok, clear so far.

3. The Unexpected
Four of cups. card of blended pleasure. Weariness, disgust, aversion. Hmm.

4. How can I be happy today?
The Hanged Man. Wisdom, circumspection, discernment, trials, sacrifice, intuition, divination, prophesy.

5. Spiritual Advice
The World. Really? That's not so much advice as... well, it means, assured success, travel, voyage, etc.

It's my first day as a free woman. And I don't know what to do with myself! Granted, I'm only free till 3...

Monday, May 3, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 12 weeks

So to review yesterday's tarot: yeah, it was a pretty sucky reading. Looking at the reading, I don't see anything there.... so, today's!

Daily Reading:
1. What I can expect today The Ace of Swords. Triumph. sweet. or, great prosperity or great misery. o.
2. What will be totally unxpected Strength, reversed. hmm.
abuse of power or weakness.
3. What will fulfill me personally King of pentacles. Valor, business or intellectual aptitude. or, a dark man, master, professor.

4. What awaits me financially
Four of cups. Weariness, aversion, or blended pleasure.
5. What awaits me emotionally
Ten of cups. Score! Contentment, repose of the entire heart.
6. What awaits me in my occupation/at work
Three of pentacles, reversed. Mediocrity in work. Ha. Can you say senioritis?
7. How my health is
The moon, reversed. Instability, silence, inconstancy.

Stressed over Ti. Again. Why am I always stressed? A friend suggested I try a little pot. Am I so uptight?
I mean, it's not like it's FINALS WEEK or anything!!! Or I have a play that goes up in a week!!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 12 weeks

Well, I'm not going to New Jersey. Too expensive and they won't help.

But I did get a tarot deck, as a prop for my play.

Daily Reading:
1. What I can expect today Temperance. Ok, so that's not too bad.
2. What will be totally unxpected The Hierophant, reversed. Hmmm. Setbacks?
3. What will fulfill me personally Seven of cups, reversed. Desire and will?
4. What awaits me financially Three of cups, reversed. Achievement and end. uh-oh.
5. What awaits me emotionally The Tower. Interesting...
6. What awaits me in my occupation/at work The Star, reversed. Giving up hope? Nooo!
7. How my health is The Ace of Pentacles, reversed. Bad intelligence? hmmm.

I saw Jeff yesterday for the first time in ages. It's funny how differently I see them than in the past. I mean, the total absence of all romantic feeling makes me wonder how I ever felt that way in the first place. But he is a dear friend, and I was glad to see him. I stayed up and watched the Cavs game with Matt, that was fun. He threw socks at the TV.

One more week of class, one more week of finals. Class Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, watch the shows on Friday, perform Saturday, finals on Tuesday, commencement Saturday. So I need to go to CSU about 8 more times. EVER. YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 5 or 15 weeks

Waiting to hear from the Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey. I told them I needed $2,000 or I couldn't attend. We'll see how it turns out.

I have too many underdeveloped friendships. I need to make them deeper before I go, but where will I find the time? I care deeply about a lot of people.

In the past week I've noticed me getting more touchy-feely. I want to give people hugs... ALL THE TIME. I have a hard time living in the present.

Im technically in class right now, so I should be technically paying attention.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 5 1/2 weeks... wait WHAT?

I'm currently in class and should not be writing this right now. He's talking about brothels... this is a theatre management class... O.o

I thought since I hadn't heard from the Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey that I wasn't in. However, I just got an email today that they were "still very interested"...

This would mean I leave before May 30th, their Day One. I walk May 15th. OMG. This is so sudden, and so scary... Just one month and eleven days from now. Left. In Ohio.

Besides that, there are several people I care a lot about, one in particular that I'm gonna be heartbroken to leave here in OH. Such is the life of an actor, though... I should get used to it. I wish I could take him with me...


Friday, April 16, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 15 weeks

Love sucks, you know that? It's never easy, eventually ends in heartbreak, and is unavoidable because you end up having so much fun while you're in love. It's like a wave, getting bigger until it finally splashes on the shore. And with each relationship, each wave, you get a little more worn down... I can keep going with this analogy, too, but I already feel it stretching...

Rode to Squire's Castle today. Little highschoolers swarming all over the place. The way back wasmiserable, me and my friend got caught in the rain. Which turned into hail. On a motorcycle. It sucked.

Still haven't heard from the evil league of evil.

Going to bed a little early tonight. I have work tomorrow, but I'm dealing with some stuff I'd rather not broadcast on the world wide web. I hope things will be easier in Virginia. It's a new start, fresh, no baggage. There's too much here in Ohio. I'll be happy to flee to my haven in the valley.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Moving Away: T minus 15 weeks (ish)

So here I am, after a 15 hour workday as an extra on a commercial shoot, thinking about what's important in life, and to me.

My parents are the closest people in my life. They know more about me than 90% of parents know about their children. They hear about my heartbreaks and crushes and slightly inebriated escapades. I have always looked to them for advice and guidance, and when they worry too much I know I am loved. Because I share with them, I think they trust me, and what I have with them is very special. Perhaps being homeschooled had something to do with it, but I think a large part is the way they raised me to both respect my elders and question authority.

My heritage continues to play a larger part in my life and it's something I'd like to learn more about. Part of my senior project is simply an excuse to mine my mother's side of the family for information about my grandmother. I am proud of my family, on both sides. My father's side are hard workers. Conservatives (shudder!) but good people. They are the root of my Americana. My mother's side are the intellectuals and activists. I feel a deep need to grow closer to my Jewish heritage. People DIED rather than forsake what they were. In honor of them, I search out my traditions.

These two things I will always have. As I leave for school, I need to remember to count the many things I take with me that are unseen. Both of my parents are technologically literate. I will be able to keep in touch with them. I am a little worried that I will lose a little more of my culture. I'll need to find a synagogue when I get to Virginia. That might be the first place I look to form a more local support network.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

I found my blog!

Indeed, I finally found my blog in cyberspace again! Woohoo!

Current status:
1. Sleepy. Drove in from Chicago last night, arrived at Adam's 12:45am... zzz.
2. Bruised. I'm on the fencing team. I get poked with swords. Not surprising I have lots of bruises from 2 days straight of fencing.
3. Anxious. I'm a senior, working 2 jobs, 18 credit hours, waiting to hear back from the one grad school that hasn't rejected me, juggling fencing team commitments with writing my senior project and I still make time for my boyfriend and feed the cat.

I'll write more later.