I was 115.6 this morning. I'm happy with it. Step by step. Just need to cut 150 calories a day to achieve my goal (being 110 by May 1st). Definitely doable, so long as Christmas doesn't destroy me.
But I've been wrestling with things I can't do anything about. Unlike food.
-I hate the fact most people could smoosh me with their pinky. My love of daggers and knives and swords can't help my puny size. I have no martial arts skill, no firearms training, and a teeny bit of fencing that won't do me any good.
-I hate that I can't remember anything. I passed a friend's house three times before they waved to me where they were. That would have been ok but for the fact I've been there twice already. I can't remember anything and it scares me. Sure, I can learn lines. But my license plate number? The year of my car? My mother's phone number? Nope. Nada. I get so frustrated!
-I hate the fact that I'm a ditz. I realize that I am and it drives me crazy. I'm always leaving stuff behind, oblivious to everything around me, driving through red lights, forgetting people's names, doing stupid stuff and saying idiotic things.
-I hate that love never solves anything. I've been there, done that, don't want to do it again. It doesn't matter whether love is reciprocated, how far away it is, or how long it has lasted. This uncontrollable thing destroys friendships, lives, families... the one who acts out of love is far more dangerous than one that acts out of hate. Love is like a flower that blossoms for a brief moment, is beautiful, then withers and dies. The more we love the more our gardens look like graveyards.
All for now.
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But what kind of world would it be without the sudden blooming of that brilliant flower, red or blue or gold against the dark ground? A dry and dusty place, without passion. Sometimes, one must take the step onto uncertain ground, take the hazard, risk the scarring of our hearts, in order to win it all.
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