Day One of Obama's Reign

And I don't mean reign in a bad way. But he is the President of the United States now. I watched the inauguration on the bigscreen plasma at the library. About 70 people were either watching that one or the little one there. It was pretty cool. Everyone was dead silent except when they burst into clapping at one thing or the other. A lot of Obama supporters. So that was cool, watching the oath. Obama and Roberts couldn't get it right, that was funny. But yes, I was watching when the first African-American was sworn into the office of the president.

I was 117 this morning. I have the distinct suspicion that the scale doesn't like being moved around quite so much. My weight doesn't fluctuate like that. But I'm doing good with about 2 meals a day. I'm totally digging the exercise. Ten-minute mile. I can live with that. I'm working on cutting down my time.

Frankly, the two things I like about dorm life are A) the view from my window, and B) how close I am to everyone. I get really excited having so much time around my friends. Everything else about dorm life I could just as easily NOT deal with.

I'm excited about my classes, especially Advanced Acting. Shakespeare coming out of my ears woohoo!

(mum--cat)

Day One

Day One of Fenn

The penguins tried to eat me.

No, I just had a hell of a time parking the car on a Saturday night. Unpacked in a flash. Need just a few more things.

Ate like 7 pieces of pizza :-( Weigh in tomorrow will make me sad. But now for the gym! Woot! Can't tomorrow morning because of my hair (it's straight--thank God for Jess). But after that... *rubs hands together eagerly*

Embarassed

You know that little button "don't notify friends" on facebook? Here I am, happily clicking away, not realizing everyone (incld. people I haven't talked to in ages) is getting a notification, some answers more embarassing than others. This is the point where I crawl under a rock and die.

Time for me to disappear now.

(I was 118.6 this morning)

Frustration

ARG!!

I've been so ditzy recently I need to strange someone! or something! Just ARG! I think I hit my brain too hard one too many times. I'm seriously damaged.

119.2 this morning. Could be a lot better. But it IS under the dreaded 120. Cat didn't believe me that I was almost 120, she didn't think I was much above 95. HAHA. I hope it's muscle. I've got a 10:30 mile now. Did I mention that? It's very exciting.

I move in Saturday to Fenn. Just a few more days at home. WAAAAH!

I have rehearsal tonight. For R&J scenes. Honestly one of my worst nightmares is resurrecting old plays I've done because I will forget something. This should be good.

Happy Days

Happy Thing One: Seeing Ryan a lot. :-D

Happy Thing Two: I weighed in this afternoon at 118.8. Which means I didn't gain any weight on vacation. Which is a freakin' miracle. THANK YOU GOD.

Happy Thing Three: Eating a cheese sandwich before I go to pick up Bill and hit the town. Maybe play video games here.

Happy Thing Four: Maybe see Jess, Ken, and Ryan tonight.

Happy Thing Five: I can jog a mile without stopping. This is new. I have a 10:40 mile!

MI

Here I am in Michigan. Waiting for other folks to come downstairs so we can all go over to the college for workshops. I've been taking lots of notes about the workshops but I swear if I see one more scene I'm going to shoot someone.

Should have brought my swimsuit but I am so fat right now I think I might have done myself a favor.

Eating for free but eating too much. I eat a thousand calories for breakfast and then another thousand for dinner. So far I've managed to spend $26 bucks on this trip: $14 at Olive Garden, $8 at TGI Friday's, $4 on drinks (2 for me one for another). Skipping lunch. Too expensive. That's what I'll be doing a lot next semester. Gonna try to eat on the cheap. Need to save more money. And earn more.

I'm dreading my weigh in on Monday morning. Oy.

I miss Ryan. Pathetic, I know. What, it's been all of 4 days?

The number of people at this conference is so depressing. There's so many talented actors here that it makes me feel like I'll never get cast for anything. I need to find a second job/career that will be the breadwinner. I've got that degree in Communications... now what can I do with it? Something I enjoy... I have no idea. Maybe writing. I need to crack down and start reading again. There's just never enough time for anything anymore.

Another long day ahead of me. I'm so sleepy I got up at 6:40am but we're not leaving until 9:30. I was going to leave at 7:30 on the shuttle but the person I was going to go with slept in. Lucky them. Sleepy me.

Lucky me also has one roommate and not two or three like there was supposed to be here in MI. I have some privacy now and then which makes me very happy. I need my privacy. I move onto campus a week from tomorrow. I'm not looking forwards to that. My roommate's name is Brittany. Don't know anything other than that about her. I Facebooked her and there were a couple girls by her full name. Didn't friend her. Because she's not my friend. Yet, I should say. I can already feel my chin sticking out. My folks identified that as I sign I was getting stubborn. Whatever the case, I get to pack this next week. At least home will be close by if I forget anything. A very good thing indeed considering my memory. HA.

I ran just over an eleven minute mile yesterday. Makes me very happy because I thought that going 6.5 mph on a 2.0 incline should be my norm. Nope, I can really keep going at 5.5 mph on no incline. Now I get to work my way up from here. I'm so glad my dorm (pardon me, residence hall RIGHT) is next to the gym (pardon me, recreation center). I'm really gonna try to get in shape. I'll need lots of good new music though, and the interesting Great Courses. The philosophy ones should still last me a while, I'm only on Part II of VII.

I guess that's all for now. Maybe some folks have come downstairs. I'll go see.

Live and Learn

Ai.

Uncertainty is this dog that's always yapping at my heels. I kick it but then I feel bad. Isn't uncertainly healthy is most things? Thinking before you jump?

I'm the kind of person who would rather follow my head than my heart but always ends up doing the opposite. Kind of the reverse of most people, I think.

I don't want to be a clingy girlfriend, I've been on the opposite end of clingyness and it is one of my least favorite things. Unfortutately I have this enthusiasm that jumps over my good sense and runs away with me. I don't know where the line is. I wish I could have a daily newsletter that would tell me the good things I did and the mistakes I made. I wish I knew all of them. I hate being so oblivious to it all. Hopefully people will just tell me when I screw up.

A TV special was on today at a friend's house about the 7 Deadly Sins, which got me thinking how I am about each one. Lust has never been an issue with me, I think. Gluttony is a big one for me. Greed, occasionally. Sloth, not too much. Wrath used to be a biggie of mine but now I never get angry anymore. It bothers me. I used to be so passionate about everything and now I feel like I'm coasting through life, kinda direction-less. I know what I want, or so I think. I don't know what it is that I'm supposed to want and what will make me happy. If there is anything. So much depends on luck and chance that I kind of despair sometimes. Dreams seem impossible and chance rules the universe. Envy is a problem with me, especially in theatre. I am SO competative. And Pride is my biggest one of all. I have a huge pride, and it's kind of backwards that I think if I make enough fun of myself it'll hide my huge head. I wish I could have a real clear view of myself but I have the feeling that I won't like what I see in the least.

I'm finally done with eating. I had my fun, and now I'm to the point where I feel like crying when I get dressed in the morning. Yup, time to diet. Big time.

I've got everything so good and I KNOW that, I feel like I can't give back. I'm blessed with a supportive family, savings, good friends, a roof over my head, the ability to go to school full-time without worrying about money, a budding career... my panic attacks are gone, my fits of rage have disappeared. I can swim underwater and I own a dog. I've got a healthy body and a (relatively) healthy mind. So I'm a little weird, a little short, a little needy... but I have NOTHING to complain about. And still someone who is happy all the time is either a) insane, or b)totally naive. Or both. The things I do have to worry about are fairly minor. So I worry about my friends (who doesn't?). So I worry about my folks (their health, their happiness). My school (I want an A in every class. I have no excuse for anything other than that.). My relationships (am I too clingy? too annoying? too distant? too nervous? too relaxed?).

And I worry waaay too much what people think about me. Vain. I know. I'm trying to stop it.

So the fight against the cafeteria begins. *deep breath* I already feel like crying (which I never do offstage). Well, once in a great long while. I usually get it all out onstage. Convenient so I don't feel like a total loser/weakling.

And I need to start strength training again or something. I'm so physically weak I make myself sick to think about it. Too much playing RPGs and having a character that can just tear through enemies. And here I am. Most people could clobber me without second thought. I hate it. But what am I complaining about? I have TIME to train. I have a healthy body to train! I am going to SHUT UP NOW.

Listening

I saw Slumdog Millionaire today with mum. It was pretty good. I love the Bollywood music. I got home and immediately bought one of the songs.

Listening to music and Facebook stalking. Yep, I'm a creeper. Curiousity killed the cat, as they say.

Feeling a combination of depression, uncertainty, stress, enthusiasm, and a pinch of happiness.

I love my friends. :-D I feel lucky to have them. I think I've found some real good ones.

I was 119.8 this morning. Could have been a lot worse, but now the holidays are over, thank God.